He lives within me

I always thought I knew what I wanted, until I met you. Suddenly, the list went out the window. Your words became the paintings of my imagination. You, the secret within my deepest desires. You are the vision within my soul, dancing to the beat of my drum. I've dreamt you in a thousand daydreams but never felt your touch till now. Your silence is deafening. Sing to me as you strum your guitar. Sing your words of poetry. Sing to me in the darkest night. My heart yearns for you to share your thoughts, doesn't matter the melody. I see you when I close my eyes. I see you when I lie awake. I see the you, you try to disguise. The you, you don't quite realize. The you, you wish to be and even the you, you doubt you'll ever become. I see you. The real you. My love .. I'm right here waiting for you. It was just one glance. It was a simple hello between two faded hearts. It was the first time I met you, and still I can't let it go. You captured me in that moment .. so many moons ago. You've ruined me for any other man who will try to conquer this heart. He'll never be you. xx

H I M . . .

To me .. you're perfection. I wish I could bottle you up and spray you all over my body each morning .. so your scent would linger everywhere I am.

i hope someday i say to you . . .

"at the start of our together you were the prelude to a vast orchestration. at the end of it all you will have been the most profound and enduring music of my life."
— Mary Anne Radmacher

FUMBLING

I thought I needed so many different things 2 find happiness. I thought I needed a rush of blood to my veins & lightening to strike so loud no one would be able to deny they heard the sound. But I didn't realize u would come like a brush of fresh breeze blowing through my soul .. tearing away all fear & doubt .. I live for your sunshine on a rainy day .. I live for your wisdom .. lean in close my love .. for i am fumbling downward toward your sword .. if you allow me to absorb your strength .. i will forever live within u.

~your angel

my pen bleeds ..

It tis my pen that bleeds for you night after night. Every word within my heart, every thought tumbling through my mind spills out on to these pages I write. Every wound, every smile, every warm embrace thy pen explodes on paper. My darling love, I pray you realize it's me .. before thy pen runs dry and we're left with nothing more then these words on scraps of paper.

I shine . . .

I'm imperfect in many ways but I've been learning over the years that those imperfections make me who I am. A rare treasure meant to be discovered over time. Each jewel like a captured moment, meant to be delighted in and explored to its highest distinction. I will never give it all away with just one glimpse ... you must look much deeper or you'll miss my unique qualities altogether. But the loss will not be mine, for I continue to shine with or without the acknowledgment of man, as true light lives within the human soul. I remain radiant & yet to be discovered.

At war

choking on a hint of breath . leaking from a pin drop hole . wrapped inside insanity . twisted knots of frailty . caged within an open space . a mirror for which there is no face . heart bewildered set me free . i long for that which cleanses me . death is close . life is far . who will win this terrible war?

six feet under with nothing to lose ..

I went from confident & strong to weak & terrified.
From smiles to tears.
I lost my direction.
I lost my opinions.
I lost my reasons for being.
Can I be reborn?
Can I find peace?
Can this weight be lifted?
I'm sinking dear jesus .. I fear I'll drown.
But no one sees this tragedy ..
I've hid it from the world.
I guess one day they'll understand when I'm six feet underground.

Leave me be ...

In darkness I stand ..
Fighting for a piece of freedom.
But who will hold my hand ..
If I should stumble and fall?
Will my fate be this bitter entanglement of uneasiness?
There is no flow ..
Everything leaves me confused.
Empty of hope ..
Passion has vanished and I'm terrified by what that means or doesn't mean.
I can no longer manage these thoughts that seem to cloud my very existence.
I blame myself for my lack of self control.
How long shall I be punished by my wickedness?
Forgiveness, where are you?
Loneliness, your jagged edges have punctured what's left of this tender heart. Will anyone take notice while I'm left here to bleed?

HIM . . .

He's like a magnet unto my soul. When I'm around him I can't seem to pull away. I'm exposed. Driven by rapture, his eyes allure, his body seduces, his touch invites - suddenly I need a taste of his passion, his strength, his fortitude. He's bullheaded & strong. Masculine but tender. Forceful yet gentle. He's a rare & beautiful being. A delight to so many within his world. He makes me want to climb into his cockpit and run his machine. He captivates my senses, leaving me wanting more . . .

Forgiveness I give you . . .

I let my guard down.
You snuck in ..
Unnoticed, until you had me wrapped around your finger ..
Flat out on the ground ..
Unable to say no ..
Weak and completely unstable ..
You keep me locked up in your madness ..
Chained by the lies, I choose to see as truth ..
I do it to myself ..
My lack of self worth ..
You help create this insecurity by playing games with my heart ..
Your whisper so loud ..
I can't hear my own truth ..
I'm marked with indifference ..
Release me to freedom ..
I call to you now ..
Forgiveness I'll give you ..
But my heart I can no longer lend.

Oblivion

I would like to find oblivion in sleep.
Cause the pain of losing you is far too deep ..
Searching for peace alone ..
I would like to forget you but your memory is haunting me ..
I see u when I close my eyes ..
I see you when I'm wide awake ..
The words to say escape me ..
My peace has been taken from me ..
Why must i suffer so much pain ..
How have I earned such shame ..
Cradled by a lullaby from a voice that haunts me ..
You taunt me with your ecstasy ..
Your memory is fatal ..
You do such evil by the touch of your hand ..
You woo me only to use me ..
Do not awake me ..
I long to find oblivion.

FICKLE but BEAUTIFUL

My mind is a battlefield with plenty of fickle weather. I'm willful one moment & fragile the next. I'm an erratic comet wandering the course of life, a planetary vagabond. Beautiful but temperamental. A motor that sometimes starts & other times will not. Even when my course is set I'm prone to the unexpected. Clothed in serenity, I'm taught by a spirit that far supersedes my understanding. Guided by this light, I stand in JUSTICE.

your bride . . .

I pray that I'd be your bride
The girl you've longed for
The true beginning of a life you've imagined in the secret domains of your heart
I have so much love to give you
A flood gate could not withstand the immense power I have to share with my soulmate.
I've longed for you in my inner chambers
Prayed your existence not be in vain
That my hard work and toil would prove a greater harvest then anticipated
I would swim an ocean if it would guarantee you'd come to me with a heart full of passionate love
I'd never leave you nor forsake you
I will walk this earth bare foot for an eternity just to get to you
Tell me I'm the one you love
Tell me it's true
My heart has found an opening
It's waiting for you
Come to me my lover
Come to me at once ....

Emptiness

I know pain. It's the ache that can't be satisfied. The thirst that can't be quenched. It's the suffocating feeling deep within. It's the rapture of all things good. It's the cry to the God's, the earth and the moon. It's the emptiness you think will never again be filled. It's me without you & life without love. I'm lost on this pathway .. I'm lost without God. My directions are scrambled, my compass off kilter. I'm left to my own devices and scorned by my frailties. I can't hear you Jesus, I can't hear anything at all. Please don't leave me .. I fear I'll fall too deep into this rabbit hole .. never to be seen again. Save me, please save me ... don't you know, I'm in pain.

The Heartache . . .

The heart can sometimes blind us from reality. A temporary lapse in judgement can be a very costly experience. Unspeakable pain will be your reward. Heartache your aphrodisiac. I seldom let movement through these gates of steel. As a shock to the heart .. I suddenly remember why. You moved me only to paralyze my senses. And worst of all .. I let you. May wisdom be my guide and strength be my leader. May I someday find the missing pieces of this broken heart.

My love . . .

I have waited for you, patiently, as night fell time and time again. I sang your song but always alone in the silence of your invisible throne. I've prayed for you when the winds blew high and beat against the darkened sky. I knew you'd come just as I prayed. A warrior ready to take his place. I stand your queen. I rest your lover. I wear this smile in all your honor.

Your secret treasure . . .

The physical will never fully satisfy, it will only leave you longing for more. Do not spend your days lost in meaningless toil. The unique qualities of your soul can attract like a magnet, blinding eyes to see only beauty. Your strength of character & integrity will allow the heart to become hypnotized. Exterior has little depth worth fighting or toiling over, so work on the soul, it's your secret treasure.

To you . . .

I remember the first day I met you. Those eyes, how they hypnotized. You gave me many reasons to never forget you. But none worthy of remembering. It was those eyes that hypnotized. By grace I broke the spell and I'm walking straight out of your hell-induced-coma. I remember the first day I met you, but i've lost everyday thereafter.

can you relate?

Like all of you .. I'm just trying to find where I belong in this world. Trying to satisfy the longings of my heart with character and integrity. Life will throw us some wild obstacles enhanced by twists and turns we can't seem to find our way through as quickly as we'd like. But what is a life .. if it's not lived to it's fullest of possibility?

My truth..

I will always tell you the truth no matter how difficult and while i'm living here amongst you, PLEASE DO THE SAME....let us learn to be honest. Let us learn to help our fellow man, for which we may receive nothing in return other then the joy that you feel when you put someone else first. Let us learn to be authentic to ourselves and stop denying our creative genius. Let us learn to let go of our need to be something more then what we already are. Let us learn to promote someone other then ourselves for a position for which we desire. Let us learn to embrace our obstacles as opportunities to grow, that we may become wiser and stronger. Let us learn to believe in the good of another and give way to prior judgments. Let us learn to delight in each other. Let us learn together, one step at a time....

love is the only answer

Your strength of character during a bad situation can heal another persons wounds without them even realizing it. Sometimes we hurt people for no good reason, sometimes we can't even explain why we did it. But how they react to the situation can make all the difference in the outcome of each person involved. Love will always conquer all forms of pain, envy & strife. IF YOU WILL CHOOSE TO BE THE ONE TO STAND IN LOVE.

Thought of the day ...

Don't scatter the days with reckless thinking. Be mindful of love - in all of it's glitter. Embrace what is beautiful - forgive what is ugly. Live for laughter, it's the secret to youth. Cherish the heart of an innocent child -remember we were all once innocent children. Be easy on yourself when you'd rather be harsh...

Something to Ponder

We have somewhat lessened our value & purpose in life, by equating our worthiness to the possessions we own or the positions we hold, thereby devaluing ourselves. Should one that is born into wealth be more highly respected then he who was born to nothing? Should one who attains things easily be of higher value then one who has to fight & struggle to attain greatness? How can the position you hold value the depth of a persons soul, the depth of a persons heart? Have we not grieve stricken our society by our value system? Have we not made slaves of ourselves, that we should toil all day to end up with meaningless possessions. When we pass no thing shall go with us, so what has all your toiling actually bought you? He who dies with the most toys, still dies! What value did your life attain while you were here? Because the only thing you can truly take with you, the only thing that will hold any value will be the LOVE you ATTAINED & GAVE AWAY while you were here on this earth! What difference have you made in the lives of others? It's an important question to ponder.