my head hurts and my heart aches, does anyone know the cure?

faded

I used to dream of you in color. Every touch felt like rain from the sunburnt sky. I wanted you to drench my skin with your sweetness of life. I wanted all of you. Your eyes burnt through me like fire, melting deep into the depths of my buried soul. I longed for you. I imagined a world where we were not so far apart, where life was free of these immense distractions, disappointments and doubts, where you weren't afraid to let go and love me. A life where two wounded souls were able to mend into one whole. You completed my vision. You were the one I'd dreamt of as a little girl. You held the key to my missing link. Every moment spent loving you made me more vulnerable and whole. I felt your presence within me, cleansing my fears, turning them into the dreams I had once envisioned. You held me with such strength, your hands felt like that of a warrior, ready to protect, ready to take hold of me. I wanted you to take me. I wanted you to fight for me, but you were broken. I wanted what I could not receive from you, because I too, was broken. These dreams have faded into darkness, only visions of grey remain. It's been so long since I've seen your face. Why do you hide from me? Why, do you reach for another? Everything you never thought you would find, lays dormant here.

I AM

I AM A MASTERPIECE. A work of art. An original. While I was being created I went thru the stress and strain of being formed, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin as it was being stretched & molded, even while I was still broken, I was being mended back together by the ultimate CREATOR, he saw me and said, "This shall be a masterpiece, I will take my time with her, if she will be pliable, I will form her into an outstanding piece, one that will stand tall, firm and strong, she will be desired by the multitudes and bring joy to all who see her." Today, I am still being shaped for that position, but I now understand, it's only because I AM A MASTERPIECE.

Who can turn the world on with her smile? 
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? 
Well it's you girl, and you should know it 
With each glance and every little movement you show it
Love is all around, no need to waste it 
You can have a town, why don't you take it 
You're gonna make it after all 
You're gonna make it after all
How will you make it on your own? 
This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone

But it's time you started living
It's time you let someone else do some giving
Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all
- Mary Tyler Moore Show 

Lost in translation

Time has not removed these sentiments.
Only the image in my head has faded.
I see you less and less in dreams, as you bleed into the background.
You've run so long, I can no longer envision you.
I don't stop the tear that softens my heart as I see your face framed, poised, lingering everywhere.
Something connected me to you.
Something that was deeper then the surface of our reality.
I saw you deep into your dwelling place, hiding behind your words.

Your touch like the lyrics of a song that was never written.
How your feet carried you far from me.

I am not Your One but somehow you became mine.
I've prayed, surrendered, fought, let go, cried, laughed, sat, ran, I've tried everything to find the truth of our existence but nothing speaks, all remains silent.
The silence has become all I know of us, all that lingers is the wishing well of thoughts in my head.
A deep endless hole with no bottom and no end in sight.
The dreams I once dreamt, the kisses we once shared and the moments our words were spoken.
All became lost in translation.

I want you still, though my heart has obeyed your wishes.
I will want you until I no longer feel a brush of weakness every time your name is spoken.
The day I can walk by you and time no longer stands still, only then will I be free of you, as you have become free of me.

loneliness

Who knows what this feels like 

the constant emptiness 

the desire to reach out and feel something that isn't there 

how long will i be left to suffer?

each breath a choice

I cried today just like yesterday

the sting of an abandoned heart

the ache of a lonely night 

the force of a breath i'd rather not take

i see them all around me 

happy couples holding hands

the laughter of a child

this loneliness has punctured my heart

i'm bleeding out .. but who will save me?

how do you mask the pain

thats making me feel insane 

i just want to be loved

i just want to be fixed

these walls surround me like a prison i can't escape 

you think i'm strong but i'm far too weak 

you think i have it all together 

but i'm dying at your feet 

one tear at a time this heart becomes a deserted place

I watch the traffic rush by

so many people 

so many lives

surrounded by life 

while dying a slow death of loneliness

no one see's me .. no one really hears me

my own heart has abandoned me 

my own strength has weakened me

i struggle to survive

i feel no life

i dance to make the pain go away 

i dance to forget 

i dance to save what's left of this life 

Jesus, will you save me? 

Quotes by bebe

- Patience ... life is a learning experience, not a rush to the finish line.

- Life is short .. wear stilettos 

- I'm not a QUITER .. I wouldn't even know how to start.

- Freedom is learning to accept yourself just as you are without a need for outside approval.