ALONE

I don't want to feel. I don't want to breathe. I just want to let go and fall into your eternity. Wherever that may be. But you're gone. Maybe you'll never return to me. Maybe you were never really mine. I allowed myself to let you in. A silly mistake I hear in the depths of my despair. This ache is too cold. I don't want to feel. I don't want to breathe. I'd like to call you and tell you I miss you. But these cracks can't be filled. So here I am .. once again. ALONE.

my reality

I am continuously falling for men I should steer clear of. What's wrong with me? Why must I punish myself this way? I long for something I can not seem to find. My search is over. I'm letting go. I no longer wish to play this game of which I am the only player. I can't stop this vision within. It's so sure I'll find what I seek. But why? I hate that I'm filled with such a strong conviction .. would it not be easier to turn this heart to stone? There is NO PROOF such a love exists. It only dwells deep within my foolish heart. I long for you my love .. in the inner chambers of my heart. But you deny me over and over again. Where could you be? Why won't you rescue me from this yearning? Why must I suffer all alone? Will I bare this life in solace forever? Dear God .. have you forgotten this heart bleeds like any other? Another tear .. another forced smile .. another night to dream it all again. I lie awake .. don't let this be my reality.

He lives within me

I always thought I knew what I wanted, until I met you. Suddenly, the list went out the window. Your words became the paintings of my imagination. You, the secret within my deepest desires. You are the vision within my soul, dancing to the beat of my drum. I've dreamt you in a thousand daydreams but never felt your touch till now. Your silence is deafening. Sing to me as you strum your guitar. Sing your words of poetry. Sing to me in the darkest night. My heart yearns for you to share your thoughts, doesn't matter the melody. I see you when I close my eyes. I see you when I lie awake. I see the you, you try to disguise. The you, you don't quite realize. The you, you wish to be and even the you, you doubt you'll ever become. I see you. The real you. My love .. I'm right here waiting for you. It was just one glance. It was a simple hello between two faded hearts. It was the first time I met you, and still I can't let it go. You captured me in that moment .. so many moons ago. You've ruined me for any other man who will try to conquer this heart. He'll never be you. xx

H I M . . .

To me .. you're perfection. I wish I could bottle you up and spray you all over my body each morning .. so your scent would linger everywhere I am.

i hope someday i say to you . . .

"at the start of our together you were the prelude to a vast orchestration. at the end of it all you will have been the most profound and enduring music of my life."
— Mary Anne Radmacher

FUMBLING

I thought I needed so many different things 2 find happiness. I thought I needed a rush of blood to my veins & lightening to strike so loud no one would be able to deny they heard the sound. But I didn't realize u would come like a brush of fresh breeze blowing through my soul .. tearing away all fear & doubt .. I live for your sunshine on a rainy day .. I live for your wisdom .. lean in close my love .. for i am fumbling downward toward your sword .. if you allow me to absorb your strength .. i will forever live within u.

~your angel

my pen bleeds ..

It tis my pen that bleeds for you night after night. Every word within my heart, every thought tumbling through my mind spills out on to these pages I write. Every wound, every smile, every warm embrace thy pen explodes on paper. My darling love, I pray you realize it's me .. before thy pen runs dry and we're left with nothing more then these words on scraps of paper.