FUMBLING

I thought I needed so many different things 2 find happiness. I thought I needed a rush of blood to my veins & lightening to strike so loud no one would be able to deny they heard the sound. But I didn't realize u would come like a brush of fresh breeze blowing through my soul .. tearing away all fear & doubt .. I live for your sunshine on a rainy day .. I live for your wisdom .. lean in close my love .. for i am fumbling downward toward your sword .. if you allow me to absorb your strength .. i will forever live within u.

~your angel

my pen bleeds ..

It tis my pen that bleeds for you night after night. Every word within my heart, every thought tumbling through my mind spills out on to these pages I write. Every wound, every smile, every warm embrace thy pen explodes on paper. My darling love, I pray you realize it's me .. before thy pen runs dry and we're left with nothing more then these words on scraps of paper.

I shine . . .

I'm imperfect in many ways but I've been learning over the years that those imperfections make me who I am. A rare treasure meant to be discovered over time. Each jewel like a captured moment, meant to be delighted in and explored to its highest distinction. I will never give it all away with just one glimpse ... you must look much deeper or you'll miss my unique qualities altogether. But the loss will not be mine, for I continue to shine with or without the acknowledgment of man, as true light lives within the human soul. I remain radiant & yet to be discovered.

At war

choking on a hint of breath . leaking from a pin drop hole . wrapped inside insanity . twisted knots of frailty . caged within an open space . a mirror for which there is no face . heart bewildered set me free . i long for that which cleanses me . death is close . life is far . who will win this terrible war?

six feet under with nothing to lose ..

I went from confident & strong to weak & terrified.
From smiles to tears.
I lost my direction.
I lost my opinions.
I lost my reasons for being.
Can I be reborn?
Can I find peace?
Can this weight be lifted?
I'm sinking dear jesus .. I fear I'll drown.
But no one sees this tragedy ..
I've hid it from the world.
I guess one day they'll understand when I'm six feet underground.

Leave me be ...

In darkness I stand ..
Fighting for a piece of freedom.
But who will hold my hand ..
If I should stumble and fall?
Will my fate be this bitter entanglement of uneasiness?
There is no flow ..
Everything leaves me confused.
Empty of hope ..
Passion has vanished and I'm terrified by what that means or doesn't mean.
I can no longer manage these thoughts that seem to cloud my very existence.
I blame myself for my lack of self control.
How long shall I be punished by my wickedness?
Forgiveness, where are you?
Loneliness, your jagged edges have punctured what's left of this tender heart. Will anyone take notice while I'm left here to bleed?

HIM . . .

He's like a magnet unto my soul. When I'm around him I can't seem to pull away. I'm exposed. Driven by rapture, his eyes allure, his body seduces, his touch invites - suddenly I need a taste of his passion, his strength, his fortitude. He's bullheaded & strong. Masculine but tender. Forceful yet gentle. He's a rare & beautiful being. A delight to so many within his world. He makes me want to climb into his cockpit and run his machine. He captivates my senses, leaving me wanting more . . .